Round 'em up . . .

So the start to this post has been sitting in my box for so long I considered trashing it. I decided against it because the moment was kind of monumental, one of those moments that I knew, even at the time, that I'll think about on many other monumental days to come. Sophia's kindergarten round up.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a sucker for transitions and new beginnings. I love the "first" everything of my kids: the many, many firsts of babyhood, first "best" friend, first church or school performance, first trip to the movies, first vacation, .... on and on.

Surprisingly, while I was excited for Sophia's kindergarten round up, I did not expect to be all that moved by it. She was excited, so I was excited for her. That was about as much thought as I'd put into it. I think maybe it had to do with the fact that when Grant was preparing to start kindergarten, there were a million things to worry about. Not only was he the first of my kids to go to school and be away from me all day, but he had a number of special needs for me to worry about as he started school. I worried not only about whether or not he was ready for school but about whether or not the school was ready for him. Not so with Sophia. No worries. My girl is more than ready. She super smart, care-free, makes friends easy, has loved the routine and social and learning opportunities that preschool has provided. For the last year and a half Sophia has talked quite excitedly about the day she will finally be a kindergartner at Alexander Doniphan. She is thrilled at the possibility of taking a lunch box to school and going to classes like music, gym, and art. I'm not even a little worried for my girl as she gets ready to start kindergarten. She may have been born to be a kindergartner.

So I was more than a little caught off guard on the night of kindergarten round up by the lump in my throat and the stinging in my eyes. It started as Sophia and I walked from our house to the school.

"Mommy, I'm a little nervous about kindergarten round up."

"Why are you nervous, Sophia? You are going to love it."

"I don't know. I'm just afraid. My tummy hurts a little."

"Well, what are you afraid might happen?"

The prolonged silence of deep thought.

"Mommy, I'm just kind of afraid they might ask me what I want to be when I grow up and I'm really just not sure yet."

I looked down at Sophia and suddenly my spunky, normally care-free, wise-beyond-her-years girl looked like my baby. I was suddenly aware of the life transition we were embarking upon. The no-turning-back nature of the start of elementary school. I suddenly felt the urge to protect her from mean girls and bullies, tough choices and disappointment, peer pressure and teachers with short fuses, crushes on boys and friends that tell her things that she's too young and innocent to hear. This was a conversation that I knew I'd remember forever.

I swallowed hard and suggested to Sophia that if she faces the life question of what she will be when she grows up that she tell the questioner, "I'm keeping my options open."

The night was full of moments like this. As we walked in the doors to the school I've been in about a thousand times with Grant, it felt brand new. Staff members greeted Sophia by name, said with a smile "Oh, you are Grant's sister!!", and told her how excited they were to have her at Doniphan. (Grant being the charmer that he is has made quite a name for the Fergusons at Doniphan.) When one new staff member, reading Sophia's name tag and failing to make the immediate connection to me as Grant's mom, said, "Oh, you must be Sophia's mom" the lump came back. "Yep. That's my girl and I'm her mom. So proud to be her mom," I thought. I'm used to being in an elementary school as Grant's mom. It was a whole new feeling being there as Sophia's mom. I swallowed hard again as Sophia, giddy with excitement, walked through the halls saying, "That's where I'll eat lunch, and that's where I'll check out books, and ooo, ooo, that's where I'll have my art class!" I blinked back tears at the thought of my baby as a kindergartner doing big kid things like checking out books and going to art class, and no doubt owning that school and fully embracing all of the experiences it has to offer.

I'm sure that in the next couple of months as we gear up for the start of kindergarten in the fall, we'll have many more monumental moments. I'm not sure that the significance of them will catch me quite as off guard as this one did, however. I'm now well aware of what we are heading into...