Looking in the mirror . . .

Sophia is a passionate child. She feels things deeply. When she is happy, she is very happy. When she is frustrated, she is very frustrated. I am convinced that her passion is a God-given trait. It's been there from the very beginning. I remember when when she was just a few weeks old getting a glimpse of her passion when I would attempt to put her in her swing. She hated it and would cry with such intensity that it was almost amusing. (Needless to say, the swing did not get much use.)

Sophia's passionate feelings are a big part of our lives right now. We have entered a tantrum phase with a vengence. On some days it seems as though every thing I say sets off a wild tantrum. Don't get me wrong, for the most part Sophia is a sweet and charming child, but lately she has demonstrated that she also has the ability to throw a fit with the best of them. Last night, for example, Sophia decided that she wanted to watch her Care Bears movie while she ate a before bed snack. You would be impressed with the reaction she gave when I explained that we were not going to watch Care Bears--I don't mean the good kind of impressed. Suffice it to say that I had flash backs of the infant swing episode. The other night the tatrums began with my insistance that Sophia at least taste the pasta that I had made for dinner before asking for something different to eat. Intense . . . very intense. Lately bedtime has also brought about the tantrums. And having to drink her juice from a big girl cup instead of a sippy cup. And having to ride in the van to get to her school when she would rather walk (her school is several miles from our house). And . . . and . . . and . . .

Quite honestly, all of this fit throwing is exhausting . . . for all of us. While I know that my job as a mother is much greater than just doing whatever it takes to keep my kid happy, it is hard to feel like a good mom on the days when it feels like everything I say makes Sophia cry. One evening I was feeling particularly frustrated and Travis reminded me, "She's just like you, you know."

He's right. I, too, am a passionate person. I, too, feel things very deeply. Get me started on one of my hot topics and I can just go. Yes, at times this gets me in trouble, but for the most part I count my passion as one of my strengths. It motivates me to do things that I might not otherwise be willing to do and say things that I might not otherwise have the courage to say.

There are times, when my heart is in just the right spot, when I see Sophia melting down, I feel like I am looking in the mirror. I can remember that while whatever set her off doesn't seem like a big deal to me, that it feels like the world to her. I can remember the times when others have shot down something that I am passionate about and how frustrated, angry, and sad that made me feel. I can remember how hard it is to "just get over it".

These are my good mommy moments. Honestly, I wish there were more of them because in these moments I respond to Sophia's passionate fits much better than when I am just frustrated and tired of hearing her cry. In these moments I am able to remember that my job as a mom is not simply to get her to follow my directions, but to nurture that passionate, strong-willed, determined spirit that God created in her. With the right nurturing and a lot of God's grace, as Sophia grows up the focus of her passion and persistence will shift from tantrums over pasta and Care Bears to fighting for things that she believes in and pursuing the goals she has set for herself. That is what I am praying for anyway. Well, I am praying for that . . . and I am praying that we can get through tonight without a fit.